wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
