Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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