I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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