she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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