I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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