Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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