If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize