Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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