im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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