Do you still have your period?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
