she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
