I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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