if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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