I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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