this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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