New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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