Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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