Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
