You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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