i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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