Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
