He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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