There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
