hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
