My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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