He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
