Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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