Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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