Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
