It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
