God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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