wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
