Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
