Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
