She's JV to your varsity
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
