I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
