Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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