If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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