I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
