she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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