I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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