Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I had to cum in my sink.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
