it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
