remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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