Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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