the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
