The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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