I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
