so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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