I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
porn star boner night. come get it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
