I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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