Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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