Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
