I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
