he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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