My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
