I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
