I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
