All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize