You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
