sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she looked like the before picture.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We don't watch enough power rangers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
