all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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