his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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