i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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