its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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