just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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