with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
