He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
