So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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